If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
