I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
