It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
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I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
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You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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