So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
