from now on my penis is your penis
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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