Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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