Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
