You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
