I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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