You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
