you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
