I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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