i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
