You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
