this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
