am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
