GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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