Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
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I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
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I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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