I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
