Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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