There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize