So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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