everyone is single if you try hard enough
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
