i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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