dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
