Three words: puerto rican gang bang
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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