she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
