And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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