We're like a lot better than the average bears
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i dont even know how to be here
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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