so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
