i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
