I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
