Got a toothbrush?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Randomize
