And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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