the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
