He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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