He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
