Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
