Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
