member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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