Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
