I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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