I'm so fucking centered right now
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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