I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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