This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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