A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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