Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
