so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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