just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
