either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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