This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
