Someone shit on the floor
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
