Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
