She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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