Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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