i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
