is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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