he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
