I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
