I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
