Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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