My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
