Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
