Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
