Don't make out with my wife yet
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
