I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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