U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He kissed a someone with a penis
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize