so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
