You smell like stripper and shame
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize